So I deactivated my Facebook account tonight. I've been threatening to do it for a while, and said I would do it before Facebook rolled out the "Timeline," (or as I call it, Stalker's Paradise). For a company that is allegedly obsessed with security, the recent changes made me feel less secure than ever. Moreover, social networking- specifically Facebook- has taken the six degrees of separation to about two. While this is great when connecting with old friends, it can get very uncomfortable sometimes when it crosses over into "real life." So, after a few experiences that took me out of my comfort zone or downright threw red flags up in my mind, I thought it best to lie low for a while. I'm still on Google+ and recently joined Twitter, and those who matter to me knew I was deactivating ahead of time and/or know how to get in touch with me.
Giving up Facebook has been weird for me because I am physically far away from most of my friends and the people who matter to me. Being in touch through Facebook had a way of making me feel less isolated, less alone. What I've come to realize, however, is that while I was in touch with people who matter, I was also caught up in the periphery and drama of people who don't, or have proven they shouldn't. The lines of who matters to me were clear, but the lines of who I matter to were not. I have contemplated the role I have played in the lives of many people I've interacted with over the years, and several months ago the pattern became crystal clear to me. For well over a decade my understanding of human behavior and compassion for people has grown. I have lent my ear and shoulder to almost anyone who needed it. I have been called the most loyal person they know by more than a few people.
But, over the past two years I've learned the hard way- and even been told directly- that I'm loyal to a fault and I've given my loyalty to undeserving people. I've learned- and been told directly- that I've been compassionate toward others to my own detriment. I've learned that sometimes no good deed goes unpunished. Regardless, I was (am) uncomfortable with the idea that I need to focus on myself. I've struggled with these notions on a very deep spiritual/philosophical level, but ultimately I knew it to be the truth, no matter how subjective the truth really is. So, over the past several months I've been slowly separating the wheat from the chaff where my social circle is concerned, and I need to step away from the distraction of Facebook to do that. It takes a while for me to recognize when a friendship is totally one-sided, but now when I do notice a complete lack of reciprocity, I'm out. I'm done with emotional vampires; they have drained my patience dry. I'm over false bravado, ulterior motives and macho-bullshit attitudes. I need people to be down to Earth and real with me, or be gone. I want my relationships with others to mean something, and I'm still working on expressing to other people what they really mean to me. Life is just too short for superficial bullshit. And I hope if I matter to them, they will let me know.
Peace. :)
